Xtreme shopping at the Stop & Shop!
by Valkorie
Summary: The X-men go food shopping!


got this idea because I was reading a yardsale piece off this site (http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=788446). This is my first humor/parody so be nice! :) R/R!!!   
  
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"Thank you for shopping at Stop & Shop and have a great day!" Perkiness rang through my ears. I slowly look up; she's at it again... "Candi, cut the crap, the customers don't want to hear it from you."  
  
"Just because I am not all 'dark and disturbed' like you doesn't mean I don't have feelings!" She whined. I was bagging for her again. I told myself I would not bag for her again, but if they make me do those damn carriages one more time... So help me...  
  
"Just ring up their precious cottage cheese and laundry detergent and get on with your life..."  
  
She sighed, "Whatever... Hello, and welcome to Stop &--"  
  
Silence... She stopped! Wow, I actually shut her up! I look up to make sure I wasn't dreaming and there stood a young woman with long white hair. She had a suit on with a cape and an "X" on the belt. Right on, a goth chick! I don't normally see goths around here in the boonies.  
  
"Can, can... can you put your items on the belt so I can scan them?" Candi was squirming, I was laughing hysterically.  
  
"Do you know what happens to milk when you scan it? The same thing that happens to every grocery item... You get charged for it..." The woman stated. What a weird and totally uncreative statement. She must not be goth. That was just... weird...  
  
I saw a boy in a visor running up to the register holding a jug of orange juice. "Storm, why don't you go and warm the car up?" He had the same outfit on.   
  
"For the love of the Goddess! Why do I always have to do the crap work!?" I saw her eyes turn all white while her hair started to become all staticky. When the automatic door opened to let her out, the breeze almost knocked us all over.  
  
"Hello... Candi" Visor said as he read Candi's nametag.  
  
"Hi," she said with a giggle. Make me gag...  
  
As they flirted mercilessly with each other, I looked over at the other register to see a very tall and hairy man buying Fruit Loops. He was grumbling about the price of cereal these days when he caught sight of Visor at my register. He shoved the money into the cashier's hand and ran for the customer service desk. I turned back just in time to see another hairy man running to Visor yelling.  
  
"Wait up! Wait up!" He was out of breath and carrying some Herbal Essences. "You forgot my hair treatment!"   
  
"Jeez, Logan. Can't you buy this crap on your own time?" Visor replied.  
  
"What, my hair isn't as worthy as your acne wash, bub?" He growled.  
  
"Listen ass--" Logan held up his hand to stop him and started sniffing the air. I heard a *sknit*. Where the hell did that come from?  
  
"Attention customers, will a Mag-- uh... oh... alright... sure... Ahem, attention customers, will Erik come to the front desk? Erik, front desk." She sounded scared out of her mind.  
  
Just then, a redhead came bounding up to the register. "Scott! Scott! They didn't have my brand of hairspray!" She said pouting. "Oh, hey Logan." She said in a sultry tone. The tension from before seemed to have melted away as both the boys stared at her in awe.   
  
"I'll go get find it for you Jean." Visor said with a smile.   
  
"I don't think so bub! You couldn't find the uniforms if they were painted bright yellow!" Logan stated.  
  
I was sick of it... "Paper or plastic?!" I yell over the commotion.  
  
"Why do you ask questions to which you already know the answer? They'll take paper *in* plastic." A cultured voice chimes in from behind me.  
  
"Wha-wha-what! Magneto!?!" Visor yelled.  
  
"I believe you were looking for this." He held up some hairspray.  
  
"How dare you take *my* hairspray you big meanie!" Jean yelled as she ran over to the Magneto and hit him on the arm. "Unh!" she grunted as she tried her best to hit him again.  
  
"Oh, Please child." he stated as he held her at arms length.  
  
"You lay off her ya big magnet!" Logan yelled. He lunged after Magneto and these huge knives came out of his hands. He went to stab him with them and hit the can of hairspray. The can made a loud popping noise and hairspray went all over Logan.   
  
"Gah!" He yelled. His hair was blown back.  
  
"Loooogaaan! You ruined my hairspray!" Jean went to cry in the corner.   
  
"You evil... evil... stupid head!" Scott yelled and brought his hand up to his visor but abruptly stopped when he saw a man in a wheel chair roll through the door.  
  
Logan stood there fixing his hair and also stopped when he saw the wheel chair man wheel past him to the register.  
  
"What a beautiful day for shopping. Good afternoon Erik."  
  
"Charles," Erik said.  
  
"Are we almost done here? Milk, bread, orange juice," he said as he was sifting through the groceries. "Someone forgot my Soap Opera Digest!"   
  
"Oh, sorry about that professor." Scott said.  
  
"This is why I don't let them do the shopping." Charles said to me. "Well, no matter. We should get going. Have a nice day everyone."  
  
As he left I heard Charles say under his breath something about using powers in public.  
  
I looked at the dumbfounded face on Candi and decided to chance it with the carriages. As I turned to go outside, I saw Storm through the window with the "I told you so" face.  
  
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What do you guys think!?! I don't concider myself a funny person, so keep in mind. :) 


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